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Best Ideas from “The One Thing“

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The One Thing
best thoughts from this best seller

The ONE Thing by Keller & Papasan is about prioritization and focus. Spreading yourself too thin is like chasing two rabbits at once … you won’t catch either one.

where start | focusing question | just do it | domino effect | link back | manage will power | links

The First Thing To Focus On top

  • How do you know what the first thing to focus on should be? p.21
  • In the beginning The One Thing is usually not apparent. p.24
  • Starting and continually thinking a certain way repeatedly over time, results in the creation of a habit, and the Focusing Question is the strongest habit you can have to achieve extraordinary results.
  • So, a good thing to focus on first is to “Make asking the Focusing Question a habit.” Start believing in it and ask it constantly every day. p.24

The Focusing Question top

The Focusing Question consists of three parts:

  1. What’s the one thing I can do (right now, today, this week)
  2. which will make
  3. everything else easier or unnecessary.
    I.e., what is the 1st domino after which the next domino will fall.

Start constantly applying the Focusing Question to key areas of your life, your ultimate Vision and to your next action step, i.e., “what’s next?”.

Just Do It, now top

Don’t be a perfectionist.  Don’t Wait … Just get started right here & now with whatever you have … Just Do It.

Don’t delay in hopes of a perfect plan. Over planning kills the magic and just doesn’t work.  Definitely prepare by planning, but expect unexpected changes and be ready to adapt.

General George Patton said “A good plan, violently executed now, is better than a perfect plan next week.”   The discipline of planning is indispensable but “no plan survives contact with the enemy.”  So, make good plans to prepare yourself (per the 7Ps) and to help clarify the priorities, assumptions, options and priorities. But, realize that plans will have to be changed since there is no way to perfectly forecast and control the future.

Headlight Analogy
This is a good analogy to help you avoid over planning.  At night headlights show only the next thing to be done.  When planning ahead in life the main two  things to consider are (1) am I headed in the right direction and (2) what’s next.   Keep aware of what road you are on, but don’t waste attention worrying about the twists and turns ahead which you really can’t see yet.   As Thomas Carlyle said “The main business is not to see what lies dimly at a distance but to do what lies clearly at hand.”

So get started now even though your plans are not perfect.  Focus on the next step right here & now … and as you get closer to the next twist & turn and the next goal they will get clearer.

The Domino Effect top

Study and learn which domino (i.e., action step) to start with and then line up the rest of the dominos in proper order. “This calls for prioritizing, finding that lead domino, and whacking away at it until it falls. This defines the process of extraordinary success: It is sequential, and not simultaneous.” p.3

Understanding this domino effect helps you decide the first thing to immediately and fully focus on (what’s next) … and then to move to the next step and the next … which eventually leads over time to the biggest most important thing (long term vision). p.3

Link Back top

What we accomplish presently defines what we will accomplish next. p.32  However, because of human nature the further away a potential reward is in the future the smaller the immediate motivation to achieve it.  Therefore, mentally link back to your ultimate vision to connect with its motivation.   I.e., mentally step back through the sequence from the one thing you are going to do next to the the ultimate vision goal and the motivation it will provide.

Another good idea is to write down goals.  Why? Because it works. Writing your goals down is an immediate step which will help you to get to where you want to go.

Manage Limited Will Power top

Here are some tips for managing our very limited will power:

  • Block out morning time: We have the most will power in the morning so schedule first things first, in the morning.
  • In practice, set aside 15 minutes to deal with regular morning activities, and then proceed to work on your One Thing.  Block in a minimum of 4 hours per day if you can.
  • To help motivate yourself keep a scoreboard that tracks your hours of deep work in a prominent place.  E.g., 2 hours blocked in every morning.
  • Recreate : Without recreation, which takes time, you will burn out and run out of will power and creativity. Schedule in plenty of time for recreation and taking care of your body. This is a top priority.
  • Good habits: A few right habits can free us from monitoring just about everything else.  The world champion swimmer Michael Phelps, for example, cultivated just one discipline — to swim every day for six hours.  So, identify a key point of discipline and develop a habit.
  • Distraction. During work hours earn to say no to everything not related to your One Thing. Distraction is the destroyer of deep work. Create environments that cut distraction during your key blocks of time to a minimum.

A Little More top

  • Expect a mess in your work life bucket: If you do the most important things in your business you can expect that there will be many less important things that are messy.
  • Balance your personal life bucket: Try to balance your personal activities such as exercise time and socializing.
  • “We will know our purpose when we ask the ‘Big Why.’ It’s why you are excited with your life.” Having a great Purpose is the single best route to perseverance and conviction. p.30
  • Purpose doesn’t have to be complicated. It’s the ONE thing you want your life to be about more than anything else. p.31

Related Links top

Happiness Is a Choice … Just Decide

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Happiness Is A Choice
Just Decide To Be Happy!

Happiness starts inside your head, not somewhere outside you. You’ve got to decide to have a positive attitude no matter what is happening all around you. You’ve got to decide that today and every day is going to be a good day. Otherwise it probably won’t be.1

Why are humans so often unhappy? The simple explanation is that the brain evolved to give priority to survival rather than happiness; i.e., we are genetically tuned in to negatives which tends to make us unhappy.

However, the good news is that we have a choice to be happy. See below for what the experts have concluded.

Viktor Frankl    top

Viktor Frankl, famous holocaust survivor, neurologist, psychologist and author of Man’s Search for Meaning, says “Everything can be taken from a man but one thing: the last of the human freedoms – to choose one’s attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one’s own way.2  Choosing what you think about is the one thing you can truly control even when everything else goes to hell.

William James    top

William James, the Father of American psychology, concluded that ” happiness depends on a choice that we are able to make, regardless of our biological and social circumstances. ”

“While the contents of our consciousness are simply ‘there’ independently of our will, we have the freedom to select which bits of information to focus on, and which bits to reject. A person thus has the ability to direct the flow of the stream of consciousness. Those people who develop this ability are able to exercise more control over their minds, resulting in a deeper sense of empowerment.” 3

92 Year Old Man    top

Here’s what a legally blind old man of 92 said after his wife of 70 years passed away and he had to move into a nursing home.  “Happiness is something you decide on ahead of time. Whether I like my room or not doesn’t depend on how the furniture is arranged … it’s how I arrange my mind. I already decided to love it. It’s a decision I make every morning when I wake up. I have a choice; I can spend the day in bed recounting the difficulty I have with the parts of my body that no longer work, or get out of bed and be thankful for the ones that do.”4

End of Life Care Nurse    top

A nurse who spent years working with people on their deathbeds wrote in her book The Top Five Regrets Of Dying that one of the most common regrets was “I wish I had let myself be happier.” Many did not realize until the end that happiness is a choice.5

George Washington’s Wife    top

Martha Washington said “I am still determined to be cheerful and happy, in whatever situation I may be; for I have also learned from experience that the greater part of our happiness or misery depends upon our dispositions, and not upon our circumstances.”

References:    top

  1.  The Payoff Principle, location 1481
  2.  Man’s Search for Meaning by Viktor Frankl
  3.  William James History of Happiness
  4.  92 Yr Old Man Story
  5.  Top 5 Regrets of Dying

Links:    top

I Am My Own Best Friend & Best Coach

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I Am My Own Best Friend,
Best Coach and Mentor

Friendship is a mutual thing.   To make a great friend you need to learn to be a great friend.   Once you and your mind have developed a true friendship then more friends will  attracted by those qualities built during the process.

Below are some characteristics of friends and ways to make friends with your own mind and with others.

know | like | respect | trust … enjoy | appreciate | encourage … loyalty | love | support … positive | controlled | giving … best thoughts | links

KNOW    top

It’s hard to be friends with someone you don’t know.  Get close to your mind so you can really get to know it.  A good  friend knows us better than we know ourselves and uses that knowledge to tactfully guide us.

Notes:
* Talk to your mind often and listen carefully to it as well.  How else will you get to know it.   One way this process can work is to talk to your mind (e.g., make comments, ask questions, mull a subject over, logically process, etc.) and tune into what pops out of it (e.g., thoughts, feelings, memories, calculations, answers and insights).  If you have a strong imagination, another approach Napoleon Hill recommends is the invisible counselor technique (see link 1 and link 2).
* To make more friends keep adding to your acquaintance list.  Increase the number of acquaintances you know and go the second mile to make friends with the best of them.  Make an effort or nothing will happen.
* Don’t be a stranger.  Make yourself accessible.  Join groups.  Talk to strangers and help them feel comfortable.   Purposefully spend more time with good people.
* Develop & share interests.   Sharing time and common interests together has always been one of the best ways to get to know acquaintances better.
* Go out of your way to be a good companion.  Think about the companions you like and model yourself after them.  Take every opportunity to be considerate and helpful, to be a good friend yourself.
* Remember names.  Remember and use names often to let people know that you think they are important.

Watch
Know thyself.  Keenly watch the thoughts and feelings playing out in your mind in order to become aware of the ways it is pulling & pushing you and where they will eventually lead.  Tactfully helping your mind become more aware of the “truth” is one of the best contributions you can give to your mind friend.

For example, when you suddenly notice a thought or feeling which doesn’t benefit you then tell your mind very sweetly not to think of it next time.   Keep gently repeating this suggestion until the mind eventually responds.  Gentle consistency is much more effective than harsh force and avoids harmful side effects.

Notes:
* Closely watch with interest.  No intense effort is required.  Insight & understanding are the natural results of watching your mind’s activities with interest.
* Be a great coach and watch your mind play the game of life. Be the positive, calm, patient, wise observer at the helm of the ship.
* Several times a day stop and step aside to get a quick outsider’s overview of what your mind is doing.   This outsider’s viewpoint is especially valuable to your mind.
* Be a detective.  Be curious.  Experiment, hypothesize, test,  watch keenly for subtle clues, patterns and details others miss.
* Particularly look for unconscious beliefs, habits and feelings.  These lurk below the conscious surface but you can still see traces of them.  So, tune in.  They are rich with opportunities for unexpected self improvement.
* The more keenly you watch the more you’ll start seeing the subtleties of how your mind works. This will make your watching even more fascinating and productive.
* Carefully watch what you say.  Once you become aware of what you are saying your verbal comments are something you can consciously control.
* Also watch your nonverbal communication.   According to the work of Dr. Albert Mehrabian  actual words are only 7% of what a listener perceives; the way words are delivered (tone, accents, body language, etc.) account for 38% and facial expressions account for 55%.
* Don’t get trapped into believing that your thoughts & feelings are “you” and thus can’t be changed.  A good way to objectify them is to name them and then study them like you would any other external object.
* Study your friends and heroes as well as yourself.  Make it a hobby.  What are their likes, strengths and habits?  How do  they differ from other people? What are their habitual reactions to various triggers?  Why are they your friends? Which of the friendship characteristics do they exemplify most? How can you use their best characteristics as a practical model?

LIKE    top

We like our friends and they like us the way we are.  Often this is the primary filtering criteria though it definitely should not be the only one.

Notes:
* Smile.   Smiling at other people is one of the easiest most effective ways to get them to like you.  Even dogs seem to know this … they smile by wagging their tails.
* Be a good companion, pleasant and easy to get along.  Make your friends feel liked and comfortable whenever you see an opportunity.

RESPECT    top

A good friend is respectful and worthy of respect, someone we admire from whom we can learn.

Notes:
* Make being polite and considerate a habit.  This is an easy way to show respect to others and to demonstrate your proper upbringing.
* Start by working on respecting yourself the way you already are.  Then start doing what it takes to be worthy of even more self respect.

TRUST    top

A feeling of safety is fundamental to good friendships.   A true friend is trustworthy and wants the best for us.  Start by consistently being a person of your word so that your own mind will start trusting you.

A true friend is always there for us when needed, through thick and thin.  Feeling safe and loved frees up the emotional resources necessary to really flourish.  On the other hand, someone who hurts us is no friend at all but rather someone to be avoided.

ENJOY    top

Have fun.  Practice enjoying being with your mind and thinking about things together.  Notice how being with good friends magically helps to create special moments in your life.

Your mind can be a friend with whom you can savor the goodness of life.  Whenever you are alone, don’t think yourself as alone.  Instead remember that your mind is always with you and talk to your mind about whatever you are feeling that moment.  Discuss what you like and want out of life and how to get more of it.  Your mind friend will then start coming up with good ideas to help you make life better.

APPRECIATE    top

We all want to be important, needed and appreciated.   We desperately want others to recognize that we exist.

Practice making your appreciation verbal and  explicit.  Appreciate out loud when your mind does something you like.  Your mind also needs to hear, as often as possible, how much you appreciate it.

Learning to explicitly appreciate the good in our lives can lift up our entire attitude over time.  Here are a few practical exercises  to help make this happen:

* What Went Well lists:  These are running lists of what went well during your day.  At the least make strong, clear mental notes to yourself.  Making a point of each item is very important so that they actually make a memorable impression on your mind.
* Smile to yourself:  Quickly smile every time you run across something you like or feel grateful about even if it is very small.  E.g., smile when your mind does something well, smile when you see a nice view, etc.   Do this dozens of times a day.
* Appreciate the half full portion of your “glass.”  Make a big deal of the good portions of life and minimize the often inconsequential bad portions.  A related idea is to realize that the time available for the positive people in your life is limited so don’t waste time on negative people; certainly don’t worry about them if they don’t appreciate you.
* Three Gratitudes exercise:  A classic exercise is to list three things you are grateful for at the end of each day.  A variation is to list the three things that most uplifted you.  What these exercises do is to tune you in to more of the good things in life which you would otherwise not really notice.

ENCOURAGE    top

We could all use an enthusiastic, loyal cheerleader who wants us to do well, cheers our best efforts and  accepts  us the way we are.  What we don’t need is nitpicking and fault finding; these bad habits only discourage your mind and stunt its development.

Compliment your mind friend and mean it.  Keep looking for positives that deserve a compliment and explicitly verbalize them;  a true compliment has big impact!   If in doubt always lean positive and make the compliment anyway.

Encourage positives and good possibilities whenever you see even the slightest sign of them.   Encouraging positives makes them more obvious to your mind which will increase its confidence and self esteem.

Attention is fundamental to human survival and anything we do, verbal or nonverbal, acknowledging the existence of another is called a “stroke“ in transactional analysis. It turns out that the ratio of positive strokes to negative strokes received is critical to friendships.  Research suggests that once positive strokes consistently exceed negative strokes (by a ratio of 3:1 or 6:1 in other studies) then there is a breakthrough effect and the relationship will take off in a positive direction.  So, generously give positive unconditional strokes, like a quick smile, to your own mind.  Also, when you notice yourself giving your mind negative strokes immediately swamp them out with several positive strokes.

LOYALTY    top

Even in the Mafia loyalty is a top requirement.  Personal safety is critical in a friendship too.  Also see trust.

LOVE    top

Knowing that someone really cares is important.    Being kind, loving and caring is emotional support at its finest.

SUPPORT    top

Helpful
Make a habit of looking for little ways to uplift others.  Using your strengths to be truly helpful is one of the best ways to make friends. Someone we can trust to provide us support even in a crisis is rare and worthy of much consideration.   Talk is cheap so when you are having problems is a good time to learn who your true friends are.

Compassionate
Emotional support is as important as physical support.  We need friends who empathize with us and are ready, willing and able to emotionally support us when needed.  Be kind, patient, understanding, compassionate to your mind friend.

The less judgmental you are the better your mind will perform, the more cooperative and harmonious it will be.  Don’t expect yourself or others to be perfect.  You and every other human being has limitations and problems, visible and invisible, big and small.  Petty judging of such limitations stings emotionally and can cause large negative side effects over time.  It certainly doesn’t make the situation better.

Be aware that you are separate from the thoughts and physical sensations that pop up from your unconscious mind.  If you witness them without judgment and avoid feeding negative thoughts undue attention then most will dissolve on their own.

Don’t compare, don’t disparage, don’t make excuses.  When you or your mind make a mistake be kind. The goal is continuous improvement, not perfection.

POSITIVE    top

Watch for how your mind plays around with various thoughts and feelings and never allow your mind to droop.  Drooping is natural since our feelings naturally go up and down over time.  So, quickly catch those inevitable droops early on to keep them from running amok. This article contains several suggestions for what to do when you see a droop coming.

Some suggestions:
* Being positive is a choice especially during the inevitable downs in life.  No situation can make you unhappy unless you agree to become unhappy.
* just SMILE every chance you get.   How’s that for a simple start at being positive.   It’s practical and works.
* Act As If.  Feelings definitely follow actions.  Take advantage of this scientific fact by acting positive and self confident even if you don’t initially feel like it.
* Start carefully watching your self talk.  Start noticing what pops out from your subconscious.  Replace and swamp out the unconscious negative self talk most of us naturally over emphasize.  If a positive self talk pops up then smile and make a mental note of it; this is a good sign that your subconscious is working to help you out.
* Feed your mind purposeful positive self talk in large, conscious, consistent doses.
* Spend 10 minutes in the evening thinking about what uplifted your life and spirit that day. By studying the way your mind works you can actually learn to use your mind to lift your mind.

CONTROLLED    top

Take the helm of your own life.  Don’t just drift, one of the deadliest of sins.  Beware of indifference which stops your progress in life by paralyzing your willpower.  If you don’t know where you are going then you’ll eventually end up in a bad place.  If you don’t know what you want then others will use you to get what they want.

For example, if you have bad habit then whenever you see it getting started tell your mind very sweetly not to continue.  Clarify to your mind the negative costs of the habit.  Even so you will likely be tempted to do it again.  When that happens keep persistently telling your mind until it eventually listens, if not this time then the next.

By consciously working to control your thoughts, behaviors, and emotions you can actually change your physical brain and its default mode of operation.  This makes the time and effort really worth while.

Notes:
* Affirmation: positive open alert ready and in control (POARC).  This affirmation reminds you of the attitude you need to maintain to help you increasingly control your mind and to see opportunities.
*  Focus 100% of your effort on controlling the controllables.  For example, don’t throw away energy by worrying about things you can’t control … or the past or future.  What some sport coaches suggest to players is that after making a mistake they should say “next play” and shift their complete focus to it.

PROGRESS    top

Progress is one of the fundamental needs for human happiness.  We are built to learn and grow and to always want more!  Your mind is “someone” who understands and wisely guides you.  It can become a worthy companion who will work together with you to progress towards the life you really desire.

Even when you “fail” you can make progress by learning something from the experience.  In fact how to learn from failure and how to overcome resistance are necessary skills you must learn if you want to make serious progress in life.

Here is a good habit that will sharpen your mind and increase progress every day:  Make mental notes of the most important 1-3 things you learned each time you read or do something.   Repeat the points immediately afterward you finish and a couple of minutes later to make them stick.

GIVING    top

One thing I’ve noticed when interviewing prospective employees is that it is usually easy to tell if a person is a natural giver or a natural taker.  You can sometimes tell if they are naturally positive as well.  Good friends are natural givers and are naturally positive with each other.

While what you receive from a friendship is not the key criteria you still need to be aware that some people will try to take unfair advantage of you.  So, use common sense when dealing with natural takers.  In a good friendship both participants should be consistently giving and taking, as appropriate, to their mutual benefit.  By the way, one of the benefits of a friendship is the good feeling experienced when you make an important contribution to your friend.

 

Note that the suggestions above work well for making friends with others and for making best friends with your own mind. Try the ones you like the most.  Here are our current favorites:  watching, positive strokes, smiling to self and the what went well exercise.

Related Links    top

Take a Mini-Break, Meditate when Tired or Sick

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Take a Mini-Break,
Meditate when Tired or Sick

Meditation mini-breaks truly work wonders when you are completely whipped. This meditation tip can be a life saver!

Most of us with busy lives have experienced occasions where we are very, very tired but have an unavoidable event planned in a few minutes like going out for the evening or giving a presentation or finishing a tough project. Besides the misery there is sometimes even a concern about getting sick from pushing things so hard.

Once you have learned how to meditate (see below) it is surprising how rejuvenating a 10-15 minute meditation break can be. Sometimes as short a 5 minutes will work but it usually takes us longer.

Among other things meditation is a form of deep relaxation. When very tired we have found that it is quite easy to get into a deep state of meditation, much easier than usual. Within 5 minutes the outside world completely disappears and we fall into an almost unconscious state (perhaps sleep or something deeper). It’s good to have a cell phone alarm to “wake” you up.

Upon waking we usually find ourselves deeply refreshed and ready to go! As an aside, there have been occasions when it felt like a bad sore throat was coming and after 10 minutes of meditation that sick feeling disappeared.

This meditation tip works much better than the same short amount of sleep. We couldn’t have gotten to sleep so fast and it would have been nowhere so deep or refreshing.

We’ve tried this tip many times and it almost always works. As a caveat you obviously should learn how to meditate first; that’s not very hard but you will need a little practice.

How to Meditate

You only need to do this simple form of meditation for a few minutes to feel relaxed, refreshed and refocused.  “It involves relaxing and focusing on your breathing.  Set a timer for three minutes and close your eyes.  Then, take slow, deep breaths.  Concentrate on each inhalation and exhalation, and ignore all other thoughts.”   For more  suggestions on how to meditate see Meditation Breathing Exercises.

Related Links    top

Meditation Tip to Help You Sleep When You Can’t

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Meditation Tip
to help you sleep when you can’t

What to do when jangled nerves keep you awake and you just can’t get to sleep? Sometimes this happens to me in the middle of the night which can mean staying awake for several hours no matter how tired I am.

What works for me is to meditate.  I’ve found that about 20 minutes of meditation while lying down in bed is the right amount; shorter doesn’t seem to work. I’m not trying to sleep but am meditating and, as usual, have a timer set to let me know when time is up.

After meditation my mind is always much calmer. This allows me to naturally fall asleep within 5-10 minutes without seriously trying. I was already tired and once the nervous jangle is gone sleep comes easily.

I’ve also tried meditating when sick in bed. Sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn’t, probably because it is daytime and I’m not tired. If it doesn’t work I will meditate again later, typically 3-5 times/day when sick and have nothing better to do.

This may not work if you’ve never practiced meditation before … but it sure does for me.  That may be why you should learn to meditate too. 🙂

Related Links    top

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