Mike-S

Mini Habits Book Review

November 7, 2014 By Mike-S

Mini Habits can Change Your Life
They really can!

We all know how difficult it is to create a good new habit that actually sticks. Self motivation (it varies wildly) and will power (it quickly evaporates) just don’t seem to work. The sneaky inner self seems to resist.

This book Mini Habits by Stephen Guise provides a surprisingly practical approach. It can work even if you are part of the vast majority who cannot keep New Year’s resolutions. And that includes about 99.9% of us.

A mini habit is a stupidly small habit which you “decide” to practice every day. It is so small that miniscule willpower is required to make it happen. So little willpower and time are needed that the lazy, frightened subconscious part of your brain has no reason to bother resisting.

The result is that a mini habit can sneak in under the subconscious resistance that has been holding you back all your life. Eventually you will start developing the perseverance, momentum and enthusiasm which it takes for big permanent changes. Stop attempting to push your unconscious mind. Let mini habits work their repetitive magic on their own.

Also don’t bother making a mini habit bigger. Instead use your new-found emotional energy as a bonus to do more on those days, and only those days, “when you feel like it.” After a while your mini habit will automatically lead you to bigger habits so strong that will power and motivation are no longer even necessary. You’ll just do your new habit without emotion like you do other habits good or bad. And, if something goes wrong, you always have your mini habit to fall back on.

For much more information read Mini Habits. It’s short (126 pages) easy read with good explanations and research on the subject.

MORE NOTES FROM MINI HABITS top

examples top

Here are examples of small mini habits and the good habit where they might lead
* 1 pushup/day – leads to a bigger more healthy exercise program
* Walk treadmill 60 sec/day – leads to more healthy exercise
* Read 2 pages/day – improve the contents of your mind
* Write 50 words/day – get that writing project moving
* More ideas for mini habits

willpower top

Will power is very limited as most of us have noticed a few days after our annual New Years resolutions. Mini habits solve this problem by requiring so little will power and so little time that it becomes laughable to avoid doing them.

motivation top

The problem with motivation is that it is undependable. That is why you use will power (a very small amount) instead to guarantee your mini habits are accomplished.

On those lucky days when you do feel motivated, and that will most likely happen soon after starting mini habits, use this motivation as bonus energy. For example, if your mini habit is to do 1 push up then use your motivation to do more.

positive habits top

Mini habits are designed to help you create good habits rather than to get rid of bad habits. See our post on the book Change Anything for information on getting rid of bad habits.

conclusion top

Mini habits is an idea well worth testing for yourself. Pick some good habit that would make a big positive difference and reduce it down to a stupidly small but specific mini habit. Then religiously follow that mini habit every day for the rest of your life (or until it becomes clear that you can improve upon it).

When your motivation kicks in and you “feel” like doing more, then definitely do more. That’s what leads to bigger habits. And the improved motivation is a bonus you can eventually expect from mini habits along with better will power, momentum and results.

Bill Walsh Leadership Lessons

August 28, 2014 By Mike-S

The Score Takes Care of Itself
Lessons on Leadership and on Handling Failure by Bill Walsh

Bill Walsh’s obsession was leading a football team towards his admittedly impossible goal of perfect performance under pressure. His book, The Score Takes Care of Itself: My Philosophy of Leadership, is a firsthand description of Walsh’s philosophy of leadership and the details of how he led the 49ers from defeat to dynasty.

It is based on a series of interviews with Bill Walsh and reviewed by him. Also included are chapters about Walsh’s style as perceived by five men, including Joe Montana, with whom he worked closely in the pressure cooker of professional football.

As an aside, Walsh was also an amateur boxer and a student of military history, from which he derived parts of his philosophy. In the book he describes the pressures of football as being a civilian version of those experienced in combat: “Professional football, in my opinion, is the moral equivalent of war. The stress, wear and tear, and assault on a person’s spirit and basic self-esteem are incredible … it is such a cruel, volatile, and emotionally and physically dangerous activity.” p.1-2.

Though the book can get a bit repetitive and jumpy the content is excellent. I personally enjoyed Walsh’s directness, the many practical insights on “combat team” leadership, and the firsthand details of his life with the 49ers. Below are some direct quotes, often repetitive to emphasize his key points, to help give you an idea of what he had to say to leaders. The page numbers below refer to quotes from The Score Takes Care of Itself.

BRIEF OVERVIEW top

Two of Walsh’s primary strengths were
(1) teaching others how to be great, and
(2) preparing & practicing extremely detailed scripts for his team and himself.
His goal was to maximize the chances of perfect performance under pressure in any and all contingencies.

“‘Be Prepared,’ became my modus operandi.” … “I kept asking and answering this question: ‘What do I do if …?'” p.51

To quote Walsh: “I directed our focus less to the prize of victory than to the process of improving — obsessing, perhaps, about the quality of our execution and the content of our thinking; that is, our actions and attitude. I knew if I did that, winning would take care of itself, and when it didn’t I would seek ways to raise our Standard of Performance. p.21

Ancillary Strengths: His mastery of the game of football resulted from “a ferocious and intelligently applied work ethic directed at continual improvement.” p.16 Furthermore, Walsh’s problem-solving ability was spectacular. “(1) He could identify problems that needed to be solved; and (2) He could solve them.” p.68

The West Coast Offense is a beautiful example of how Walsh identified and solved a serious personnel problem (i.e., his Bengal’s quarterback, Virgil Carter, could not throw deep with accuracy p.41) and in the process changed the game of football. This novel solution was applied with his aforementioned passion for preparation. To quote Walsh: “Calculated risks are part of what you do, but … I preferred the position of being able to take lower-risk actions with higher reward potential. That sounds like a situation that rarely exists—low risk, high reward—but it’s exactly what my pass-oriented, ball-control system offered on the majority of our plays. In order to make it work, I applied great energy and expertise to a methodical process of anticipating, planning, and practicing for every conceivable situation.” p.211

DEALING WITH FAILURE top

It turns out that Walsh was intimately familiar with failure. His first two seasons with the 49ers, for example, had won-loss records of 2-14 and 6-10. p.19 During that period he said “It does take strength to shift your attention off the pain when you feel as though your soul has been stripped bare.” p.9 Also, he states that had he been able to avoid personalizing losses (at the end of his career) and giving himself no credit for wins he “would have continued to coach the 49ers and, I believe, won additional Super Bowl Championships.” p.224 Instead Walsh quit because “I wasn’t thinking straight.” p.224

Perhaps his angst is why he gives us so many lessons in this book on the subject of handling failure. To me these lessons were the most interesting portions of his book.

Always plan for contingencies. This includes planning for failure and how you will recover if a battle goes against you.

* “Victory is not always under your control.” p.1

“However, a resolute and resourceful leader understands that there are a multitude of means to increase the probability of success. And that’s what it all comes down to, namely, intelligently and relentlessly seeking solutions that will increase your chance of prevailing in a competitive environment. When you do that, the score will take care of itself.” p.1

For individuals who prevail “‘Crash and burn’ is part of it; so are recovery and reward. As you’re about to see I experienced more than my share of both.” p.1

– “Do expect defeat … if you’re surprised when it happens, you’re dreaming; dreamers don’t last long.” p.11
– “Force yourself to stop looking backward and dwelling on the … train wreck. … It’s mental quicksand.” p.12
– “When “you’ve been knocked senseless; give yourself a little time to recuperate. A keyword here is ‘little.’ Don’t let it drag on.” p.12
– “Do begin planning for your next serious encounter. The smallest step — plans— move you forward on the road to recovery. Focus on the fix.” p.12

“Failure is part of success, an integral part. Everybody gets knocked down. Knowing it will happen and what you must do when it does is the first step back.” p.10

Work “one minute at a time—literally—to regain composure, confidence and direction.” p.10

Focus on the process of preparing for excellence, not on the score. This is the overall theme of the book.

* “Take pride in my effort as an entity separate from the result of that effort.” p.16

* “We were immersed in building the inventory of skills, both attitudinal and physical, that would lead to improved execution. That was the key. (The losses hurt, and the wins felt good. But neither was the primary focus of my effort or attention. At least, in the beginning. Unfortunately, that changed for me down the line.) p.21

* “Concentrate on what will produce results rather than on the results, the process rather than the prize.” p.172

Walsh’s goal was consistency so that even after a loss he would not have to start all over again from the bottom.

* “There’s an ebb and flow, an up and down, in every significant endeavor at every level.” … but “my high standards for actions and attitudes within our organization never wavered—regardless of whether we were winning or losing.” p.27

“I envisioned it as enabling us to establish a near-permanent ‘base camp’ near the summit, consistently close to the top, within striking distance, never falling to the bottom of the mountain and having to start all over again.” p.27

“Consistent effort is a consistent challenge.” p.27.

Luck will always play a part in highly competitive contests. However, planning for all contingencies improves the odds.

* “The final score of a football game is decided, on average, according to the following percentages: 20 percent is due to luck … I accepted the fact that I couldn’t control that 20 percent of each game. However, the rest of it—80 percent—could be under my control with comprehensive planning and preparation.” p.56

“Control what you can control: Let the score take care of itself” p.56

“Planning for foul or fair weather … improves the odds of making a safe landing and is a key to success.” p.57

* “Be prepared. Good luck is a product of good planning.”

“No leader can control the outcome of the contest or competition, but you can control how you prepare for it.” p.85

* “Your ultimate assignment as a leader is getting those on your team totally ready for the battle. After that, you have to let winning take care of itself.” p.234

* “Rather than … try harder and harder … I trusted that it was going to happen because we had prepared thoroughly … The 49ers were able to play the bigger games very well because it was basically business as usual—no ‘try harder’ mentality was used. In fact, I believed it would be counterproductive.” p.30

Learn from mistakes. Don’t back off from the truth.

* “Seek reward in the ruins.” … “Often it takes a keen eye and a strong stomach to dig through the ‘ruins’ of your results meaningful facts.” … “When you fall short of the goal, the letdown can be so severe you’re blinded to substantive information indicating that success may be closer than you would imagine.” “You prevent yourself from searching for the truth hidden within the numbers. I could easily have done that myself, because the second season became absolute hell at times. ” p.62-63

* “Too often we avert our gaze when that past is unpleasant. … How good are you at looking through the evidence from the past—especially the recent past? There’s a certain knack to it, but basically it requires a keen eye for analysis, a commonsense mind for parsing evidence that offers clues to why things went as they did—both good and bad.” p.67

* “When you make a mistake, admit it and fix it. Don’t let pride, stubbornness, or possible embarrassment about your bad decision prevent you from correcting what you have done. Fix it, or the little problem becomes a big one.” p.215

How you win or lose is important and is something you can control.

* “Poise: Even in the worst circumstance, do not unravel mentally or emotionally; continue to fight and execute well, even if the cause appears to be lost; act like professionals.” p.158

* “Thus, if we won, I cared about how we won; if we lost, I cared about how we lost.” … “It wasn’t increasing or decreasing the point differential that was so intriguing to me, but rather increasing the quality of our execution and decision making—the quality of the football we played.” p.189

“In my early years as an assistant coach … simply teaching our personnel how to execute and perform at high levels provided satisfaction and gratification. Seeing areas of our game reflect that improvement allowed me to take pride in various elements of a loss. We hadn’t yet reached the point of being expected to win every game, every Super Bowl.” p.219

Don’t personalize your losses (like Walsh regretfully did at the end).

* “Losing … can become so psychologically crippling that winning offers little solace and no cause for celebration because you’ve imposed an internal accounting system on yourself that awards zero points for winning and minus points for losing. You can never get ahead on points. That’s exactly what happened to me.” p.218

“When this happens, any kind of loss becomes very disturbing because you’ve attached your self-image to the results of the competition. Winning can become insidious for the same reason, that is, you allow the victory to begin determining your self-worth, how you feel about yourself.

Either way, you are putting yourself on a slippery slope when you start believing that the outcome of your effort represents or embodies who you really are as a person—what your value as a person is. I speak from personal experience.” p.219

“Aggressively looking for the positive elements, however small, can dilute the toxic pressure of personalizing the results by allowing you to take pride in your strategies, tactics, effort, and execution even when they don’t produce victory every time.” p.223

“I was increasingly unable to do this. Consequently, during my tenth season with the 49ers, I knew I had to get out … Had I been able to avoid the dead-end calculation of ‘zero points for winning,” I would have continued to coach the 49ers and, I believe, won additional Super Bowl championships. That is something that has never stopped eating at me. But by the end I wasn’t thinking straight.” p.224

Walsh repeatedly recommended focusing on improvement rather than on winning. But, as he frankly stated, thinking too much about winning became a serious personal problem at the end of his career. I.e., “But much of it had to do with our ultimately unattainable expectations and my inability to deal with the prospect of failure. All of it put together became too much.” p.224

* Bud Grant who lost four Super Bowls as coach of the Minnesota Vikings had it right: “I’ve got a 24-hour rule. You only let it bother your for 24 hours and then it’s over.” p.226

These last quotes are from the final chapter written by Bill Walsh’s son, Craig Walsh.

” “While he learned from each loss and every win, my dad increasingly took something away from a defeat that he couldn’t shake.” p.235

” He was also frank about admitting his own mistakes. After a game, at the next meeting, he would review what had gone right and wrong with the whole team. While he didn’t pull any punches when reviewing their individual performances, he was also forthright when it came to his own work. He would tell them where he had made mistakes. … There was no culture of seeking scapegoats, no failure or finger pointing. It was very matter-of-fact. We did this wrong; here’s how we do it right. He would critique himself equally hard in winning and losing, always leaving room for improvement.” p.241

“It is in the framework of this dichotomy, extreme success as a leader in the NFL and extreme distress as a person, that makes Dad’s story so compelling, his lessons in leadership so valuable.” … The lessons he shares in The Score Takes Care of Itself are both a beacon for leadership and a cautionary tale—what to do and what not to do. But isn’t that the subject all effective leaders dwell on? Isn’t it the perpetual puzzle of leadership.” p.241-242

After reading The Score Takes Care of Itself you will certainly have a better idea of who Bill Walsh was as a man and why he was so successful. From the hard-earned lessons provided you will also appreciate the label which Walsh valued most—teacher.

Why Time Counts (by Coach Bear Bryant)

August 19, 2014 By Mike-S

quotes-642 — Waste money and you’re only out money, but waste your time and you’ve lost a part of your life.

Bear Bryant, the legendary Alabama football coach, used to carry around in his billfold two slips of paper. On one was written the prayer below. The other told a story about the magic bank account. Both are excellent descriptions of “why time counts.”

The “Big Trade” Prayer top

“This is the beginning of a new day. God has given me this day to use as I will. I can waste it or use it for good.

What I do today is very important because I am exchanging a day of my life for it. When tomorrow comes, this day will be gone forever, leaving something in its place I have traded for it.

I want it to be gain, not loss …good, not evil … success, not failure in order that I shall not forget the price I paid for it.”

The Magic Bank Account top

Imagine that you had won the following *PRIZE* in a contest:
Each morning your bank would deposit $86,400 in your private account for your personal use.

However, this prize has rules. The set of rules are as follow:

Everything that you don’t spend each day will be taken away from you.
You may not simply transfer money into some other account.
You may only spend it.
Each morning, upon awakening, the bank opens your account with another $86,400 for the new day.
The bank can end the game without warning; at any time it can say,“Game Over!” It can close the account and you will not receive a new one.

What would you personally do with your prize?

You would buy anything and everything you wanted right? Not only for yourself, but for all the people you love and care for. Even for people you don’t know, because you couldn’t possibly spend it all on yourself, right? You would try to spend every penny, and use it all, because you knew money would be replenished in the morning, right?

Actually, THIS GAME IS REAL. Shocked ? Yes! Each of us is already a winner of a much more valuable *PRIZE*. We just don’t seem to realize it.

The prize is *TIME*

Each morning we awaken to receive 86,400 seconds as a gift of life.
And when we go to sleep at night, any remaining time is NOT credited to us.
What we haven’t used up that day is forever lost.
Yesterday is forever gone.
Each morning the account is refilled, but the bank can dissolve your account at any time WITHOUT WARNING.

So, WHAT WILL YOU DO WITH YOUR 86,400 seconds today?

Those seconds are worth much, much more than the same amount in dollars. Think about it and remember to enjoy every second of your life, because time races by so much quicker than you think.

So take care of yourself, be happy, love deeply and enjoy life! Here’s wishing you a wonderful and beautiful day. Start “spending” your valuable *PRIZE* wisely.

Related Pages top

- Look To This Day – My favorite poem about time.
- The Big Trade Prayer story – Some more background on this story.
- Some other interesting coach Bear Bryant stories – E.g., did you know how he converted to Christianity.
- Top of Page, Index Page and Home Page

Change Anything (especially bad habits) Book Review

August 10, 2014 By Mike-S

Change Anything
Research & Strategies for Changing “Bad” Habits

Change Anything is a book based on substantial scientific research on how to change even “long-standing bad habits.” Below are some notes (along with page numbers in the book) intended to be helpful reminders after you’ve read the book. They also provide a detailed overview process and sources of influence which can help change bad habit.

We’re Blind and Outnumbered top

With long-standing habits “what you can’t see is usually what’s controlling you.” p.9 Moreover, there are usually many different “invisible” controllers at work … not just one. These are two big reasons habits are often surprisingly difficult to change.

Escape the Willpower Trap top

Willpower is a good thing but in practice it is extremely limited and rarely up to doing the job all alone. Many if not most people think willpower is the only solution so they just keep on trying again and again. They end up on a treadmill with nowhere to go so when they fail then keep returning again to willpower until hope eventually disappears. p.5-6 An example is New Years resolution treadmill.

Change Anything discusses many scientifically-proven strategies and sources of influence which can help us to consciously overpower the many hidden controllers behind our bad habits. When these positive sources of influence are used in combination they are much more powerful than willpower alone.

If we can begin to

* understand the “science of personal success” process and then
* consciously align the six scientifically proven sources of influence in the right direction

then we “can change anything.”

THE PROCESS: Be the Scientist and the Subject top

Because each individual is unique and has different perceptions of reality it turns out there are no cut-and-dried solutions to personal change. Instead it takes a stumbling process of learning by trial and error to create customized home-grown plans

“You need to study you.” p.27 Successful changers “studied themselves like they were specimens under a microscope until they had a plan perfectly suited for … themselves.” p.29

Below are scientific strategies successful changers used in this process.

(1) Identify Crucial Moments
Typically you are at risk during only a handful of moments, not 24 hours/day. Even powerful urges “usually subside over 15-20 minutes.” p.78 Therefore distract-and-delay tactics can work because “delay lessens the craving.” p.78

So start scanning for crucial moments. Look for specific conditions that create the greatest temptation, e.g., the times, places, people, and the physical & emotional states where you are most vulnerable. “Only you can systematically search for the conditions of greatest importance to your change.” p.32

(2) Develop Emergency Responses
Get prepared in advance so that you are not surprised when a crucial moment occurs. Do this by figuring out specific rules that outline exactly what to do when you are tempted. They need to be specific actions, not vague guidelines, to avoid the confusion that can often occur when you are under pressure.

“Crucial moments tell you when you’re at risk. Vital behaviors tell you what to do.” p.33 By knowing ahead of time exactly how you are going to respond “You won’t decide upon it each time; you’ll merely implement it.” p.41

(3) Engage All Six Sources of Influence
Don’t rely on just one or two positive sources of influence to make positive change happen. Certainly don’t rely on just willpower alone.

The six sources discussed later have been proved to effectively change people. However they must all be used together in concert to successfully overpower long-standing habits.

(4) Turn Bad Days Into Good Data
“No matter how brilliant your initial change plan is, if you’re dealing with long-standing habits, your plan won’t work.” p.39 Expect backsliding and temporary failures. Since bad days will definitely happen be prepared to make failure an ally by learning from it.

“Step back and examine the data, learn from what just happened, and then adjust the plan.” p.40 That is how to eventually come up with your own steadily improving, custom, home-made change plan. By becoming a curious scientist you can eventually win!

(5) Write Down Your Plan & Take Notes
“Repeated studies show that simply writing down a plan increases your chances of success by more than 30 percent.” p.43 Your first written plan should be very simple, even stupidly simple. It’s purpose is to get you started. Only after you start will you gain the experience needed to come up with a better plan and then another.

Many scientists take careful notes in laboratory notebook and then review, study and further organize these notes over time to help them understand their research. So should you! Studying your life habits is the most important research you will ever do.

“Learn what’s working and what isn’t, and make adjustments.” p.43 “If you keep a record of your evolving plan, you’ll make new mistakes rather than repeating the old ones. The goal here is not perfection, but progress.” p.43 A true master is not the one who has reached some arbitrary summit but one who keeps moving upward on the path of progress.

(6) Start Small and Start Now p.236
Get started by looking for the most obvious ways to build your personal, social and structural motivations and skills.

Don’t wait until you understand everything about the science of personal success. Just start with what is simple, easy and obvious to you and go from there. For example, “there is absolutely nothing wrong with starting your attempt to move forward by simply adding an idea or two from the book to whatever you’ve been doing before.” p.236 “View the Change Anything model as a way of improving your plan incrementally over time.” p.237.

“Just get started. Learn from both your successes and your failures, and then adjust. Eventually you’ll discover the right combination of tactics needed to help you change for good.” p.237

THE SIX SOURCES of Influence top

Change Anything lists six important sources of influence which psychological research has identified (i.e., personal motivations, personal skills, social motivations, social skills, environmental motivations, environmental skills) . Your first change plan should include specific tactics from each of them. Then keep on experimenting until you find the particular customized tactics and combinations thereof which, in concert, influence you the most.

Source 1: Personal Motivations (pM) p.47 top

These tactics change your personal motivations, i.e., “how you feel about both negative and positive choices …” p.63 They change how you think about the present and future and are only a thought away. p.64

(1) Visit your default future p.51
Really look at where you will end up if you don’t change directions. Most people, probably including you, skip over and ignore unpleasant truths. Instead use them to motivate yourself. Finding real-life examples of worst-case scenarios helps make the truth of where you are heading real.

(2) Tell the whole vivid story p.54
Make your story complete and vivid. Don’t slide by “rather than fill in the ugly details.” p.54 Tell yourself “the whole truth, the vivid truth, and nothing but the truth.” p.56

(3) Use value words p.56
Research shows that value labels definitely influence behavior. Therefore make an effort to create vivid value words that describe your positive and negative actions. Then use them vigorously. Be your own coach. Be your own cheerleader.

(4) Make it a game p.58
Gamify it by breaking big goals into smaller chunks with time limits. Then figure out meaningful, entertaining, visual ways to keep score. This will help transform “something far-off and fuzzy into something short-term and in control.” p.60 Also look for ways to gamify those boring chores.

(5) Create a personalized motivation statement p.61
Come up with a brief, simple statement loaded with vivid value words that is really meaningful to you. Find a concise way to envision for yourself what will happen if you do or don’t change. p.63 Then repeat your motivation statement often to yourself, especially when tempted.

These are good tactics for increasing personal motivation. However, don’t expect personal motivation to work on its own. It must be combined with the five sources below in order to generate enough power to overcome long-standing routines.

Source 2: Personal Skills (pS) top

We often are missing the skills needed to succeed and don’t even realize it. Most personal problems are “partially rooted in our inability to do what’s required, and rarely do we think about this because our lack of skill or knowledge sits in our blind spot.” p.68 Below are some tactics for improving your own personal skill set.

(1) Start with a skill scan p.69
“Find out what you know and don’t know as well as what you can and can’t do. This can be surprisingly difficult to uncover at first.” p.70

(2) Employ deliberate practice p.70
“Everyone needs practice. You’re no exception.” p.73 Deliberate practice involves (a) breaking challenges into small doable parts, (b) practicing these parts in short intervals, (c) getting immediate feedback on your results as compared to clear standards, (d) from a good coach. Use challenges “as opportunities to develop greater skill in the future.” p.75

(3) Improve will power p.76
You can also use deliberate practice to increase your will power. One good tactic to practice, for example, is “distract & delay.” Identify specifically what tempts you and “exactly how will you distract yourself.” p.80 Start small and easy to that you can develop the strength needed to resist increasingly larger temptations.

Source 3: Social Motivations (sM) top

Most of us are blind “about the role others currently play in the habit” we’re trying to change. “The goal is not for you to simply stand against the overwhelming sway of peer pressure—but to make it work for you.” p.83

Research clearly shows that we are all dramatically and unconsciously affected by pressure from peers or from individuals in a position of authority. Therefore it greatly behooves us to start becoming aware of the many subtle social influences around us and to develop our skills to redirect them.

Source 4: Social Skills (sS) top

Here are some social skills science has determined will help you change.

(1) Identify who are your accomplices and who are your friends. p.84
Accomplices aid and abet the “crime.” Don’t let accomplices influence you without you being aware of it.

(2) Redefine your vision of what’s normal p.93
Humans always move towards the “normal.” Who are the people and what are the practices you consider to be normal. Are they where you want to be? If not then you must redefine your vision of what’s normal. Start by finding some good models and then getting closer to them.

(3) Hold a transformation conversation p.94
Clarify to your “accomplices” what would make them “friends” of your good changes. Many will be happy to oblige if you communicate how serious you are about changing.

(4) Add new friends p.95
“The easiest way to exploit the power of social influence is to add new friends.” Just hanging out with good new friends can “help you see a new normal.” p.95

(5) Distance yourself from the unwilling p.96
Though difficult this is sometimes necessary. If your change is important enough to you then you must learn to distance yourself from those who are not its “friends.” Start by spending less time around them.

Source 5: Environmental Motivations (eM) top

“We can actually bribe and threaten ourselves to change.” p.102 Start looking for structural motivations such as incentives and be aware how insidious some of them can be.

(1) Use carrots and sticks p.103
Don’t forget to take advantage of the natural human aversion to loss of “carrots.”

(2) Use incentives in moderation and in combination p.107
“It typically takes only small rewards to work their magic.” p.108

(3) Reward small wins p.109
We know that “large, long-term goals become far more effective when they’re broken into smaller, short-term ones.” p.109 “Never make the mistake of attaching rewards to achieving your ultimate goal.” p.110 Also be aware that it’s best to “reward yourself frequently and in small increments, also take care to reward the right thing.” p.110

(4) Reward your actions, not your results p.110
“Results are often out of your control (at least in the moment), so link your incentives to something you can control—your vital behaviors.” p.110

“Reward what you do, not what you achieve.” p.110 Rather than waiting to reward the ultimate goal reward the small vital behavior that will eventually lead there. p.111 At the least, celebrate small steps!

Source 6: Environmental Skills (eS) top

Learn to control your environment. Things around us “quietly affect all our choices.” p.115. For example, research “show that people eat 92 percent of whatever is on their plate—regardless of how big it is.” p.114

(1) Build fences p.117
Add clear fences that keep you away from temptations you should avoid. Fences are simply intractable rules or boundaries you decide to follow in your life. For example, don’t even go near to your favorite bar if drinking is a weakness.

(2) Manage distance, delay & distraction p.119
“Humans are far more governed by distance than anyone would guess.” p.121 “Keep good things close and convenient and bad things distant and difficult.” p.120 Make it more convenient to do the things you should do and more difficult to do the things you shouldn’t. Just a little bit can make a big difference.

(3) Change the cues (reminders) in your environment p.121
Anything that “might grab your attention can affect your opinions, emotions, and choices.” Even “subtle visual cues appear to have an impact.” p.122 The best cues “kick you off autopilot and remind you of the commitments you’ve made and the results you want to achieve. They also suggest an immediate next step.” p.122-123

(4) Engage your “default” autopilot p.125
“We would rather not mess with things once they’re arranged.” p.125 Use this human tendency to your advantage by setting up positive defaults such as “standing appointments, automatic withdrawals, long-term subscriptions—and any other mechanism that takes advantage of your desire to avoid thinking.” p.126

(5) Use tools that make good habits easier p.127
Use your computer, smart phone program, or any other such tools that might help. Also, don’t forget pencil and paper. “Write it down. Next write down when you will try it.” p.130 “The simple act of writing will substantially increase the likelihood you’ll take action.” p.130

EXAMPLES of Change top

The book concludes with several detailed examples of how people have made challenging changes by applying the science of personal success. Reading these examples is another way to get ideas for tactics which might work for you!

* Career: How to get unstuck at work. p.135
* Weight Loss: How to Lose Weight and Get Fit, and Stay That Way. p.151.
* Financial Fitness: How to Get, and Live, Out of Debt. p.173
* Addiction: How to Take Back Your Life. p.192
* Relationships: How to Change Us by Changing Me. p.213

CONCLUSION top

The Change Anything book provides a “careful way of thinking about the science of personal change … about crucial moments, vital behaviors, six powerful sources of influence, and the need to learn and adjust.” p.236

Its ideas and tactics are good start. But you will have to experiment to find out which specific ones work best for you. Usually you will need to create your own variation of a tactic to make it a better fit better to your own particular situation. Only home-made solutions, created by trial and error, will work. In real life successful changers tenaciously stumble their way to success p.xiii and you can stumble there too.

These ideas are proven by science. This approach has had much success with even such difficult changes as overcoming addictions. Seriously consider becoming the “Scientist and the Subject” … in order to eventually solve the most important and stubborn issues in your own unique life.

Psychological Stages of Centering Prayer Meditation

August 10, 2014 By Mike-S

Psychological Stages
of Centering Prayer Meditation

In Centering Prayer Meditation we regularly practice giving our inner consent to experiencing God with our conscious and unconscious minds. Here are some of the psychological stages of a cycle we typically go through, at least unconsciously, during each meditation session:

(1) We use a sacred word as “the symbol of our Consent to God’s presence and action within us and gently establish an attitude of waiting upon the Lord with loving attentiveness.”

(2) “The feeling of deep Rest (experienced in various ways such as silence, peace, love, well being, awareness of God), especially when it involves a deep sense of the divine presence.” With this deep feeling we automatically begin to look to God for the security, love, compassion and forgiveness that we don’t get from ourselves or the world.

(3) Unloading. “As a result of the deep rest of body, mind, and spirit, the defense mechanisms relax and the undigested emotional material of early life emerges from the subconscious at times in the form of a bombardment of thoughts or primitive emotions.” Beginning meditators almost always hear considerable mental chattering inside their heads. Buddhists refer to this as the chattering monkey mind. This “noise” can go on and off for years though usually it will start becoming less frequent over time. During the Centering Prayer period itself, and sometimes later during your day or during your dreams, beginning meditators may also feel strong negative emotions. Don’t worry about them … such feelings are actually a sign of progress and they eventually disappear over time.

(4) “Evacuation of primitive emotions and thoughts.” “… obstacles in the form of repressed junk” are released in the process. The inner connections to various pieces of emotional junk start to dissolve and pieces begin to break off and float away. Over time more and more are released. It’s like peeling an onion or soaking a dirty greasy pan in soapy water.

(5) “Enjoy greater interior freedom.” “ … the purification of the unconscious continues till divine union is discovered.” Typically after several cycles of Centering Prayer experience you will start to enjoy feelings of greater mental health and freedom in your daily life.

Note that the benefits of Centering Prayer are typically not noticed immediately, during the actual meditation session itself. They are usually noticed later during the process of living. As the unconscious becomes purer then life starts getting better. Enjoy!

Notes:
* The author of this post is not an “expert” but has practiced Centering Prayer Meditation for over three years. Comments were made to possibly help newcomers from the perspective of a fairly new student.
* The stages above were derived from p.76 of Intimacy with God: An Introduction to Centering Prayer by Friar Thomas Keating. Quotes come from that source.
* Keating notes that these “moments” describe psychological experiences resulting from “the cumulative effect of several years of practice” of Centering Prayer. During any single prayer period sometimes a few of these moments and sometimes many may be consciously recognized.

Mike-S

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