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How to do “First Things First”

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First Things First, One Thing At A Time
plus PMA and A Little More

Mastery involves learning individual skills and specialized knowhow, then bringing them together as needed in a complex adaptive performance. The items below discuss some specific skills involved in becoming effective:

First Things First top

priorities | obvious | strengths & opportunities | schedules | mental equivalents | quotes

Prioritize top

The ranking process can be quite productive in many work situations. It helps to reduces confusion and increases productive action by telling you The One Thing to focus on next. It also keeps you from wasting much time on less important items.

Rank the things you want to be/do/have to help you figure out what comes first. The items themselves do not need to be perfectly clear but they do need to be ranked … at least you should know what the number one is. Under major items you can list a few “next” action steps. Minor items can be listed below majors in very rough order to help you quickly store information which might be relevant later. However, don’t waste much time on lesser items.

Ranking is also a good way to minimize distractions. The first hint is don’t put in your list any item that is just a “maybe.” Later, when you do end up with a big list of junk a good solution is simply to start a short clean new list. Save the old junk filled list “just in case” something is there you might need later but do not allow it to distract you in the here and now.

Here’s a good general procedure for moving forward:  Do a quick flyby to see what’s going on before getting involved in the next big move; you don’t want to miss anything important.  Then quickly list the next 1-2 steps to concentrate on.  If you get distracted while doing a step write down quick notes (if you wish to remember the distraction)  and go back to the step you are working on.  Once you’ve done the first “next” move then review the situation (Be sure to note what went well, something we often miss in our rush to criticize ourselves.  Give yourself a grade if that helps.) and decide the “next” move after that.

Obvious top

In reality what should come first is often surprisingly obvious. If in doubt just make a reasonable guess. Many times we already know much of what we should do to have a better life. We just don’t do it.

So, don’t let yourself get confused. First look for simple, easy & obvious (SEO) goals and the activities which move you closer to them. Usually it’s not that complicated to figure out. You really only need to know one single activity to do “next” so long as that activity moves you in a good direction.

Strengths+Opportunities top

Clear, specific well, defined goals are good but not necessary. Many an outstanding success has been achieved simply by taking advantage of Strengths (including skills & interests) + Opportunities.

One of Warren Buffett’s key strategies is to keep developing his strengths (while avoiding his weaknesses, e.g., he doesn’t invest in areas he doesn’t understand) and to keep looking for opportunities (with minimal risk, good upside and wide protective moats which he says are rare). He knows the general direction he wants to go (i.e., financially strong, growing businesses with quality management & big moats) and just prepares for and researches for a good fit while enjoying life in the interim.

Schedules top

Goals are often something you can’t really control. For example, exceeding a specific sales goal of say $50,000/day is not something you can personally guarantee. On the other hand you can set and control a schedule of specific activities. For example, you can make 5 sales calls per day or work on a research project every morning for at least one hour.

Activities are more controllable and often easier to define than goals. So, first do a reasonable job of defining activities that likely move you closer to your goals. Then schedule those activities into time blocks you can and will honor. This will increase both your productivity and self confidence. As you move closer to your goals they will become clearer and you can adapt your ways, means and even ends to get there. That’s the way you climb mountains and overcome obstacles in real life … and it is also the most practical way to achieve goals.

Mental Equivalents top

Rather than expending a lot of energy chasing uncontrollable goals spend that time thinking about what you want and like. Create a mental vision. For example, refining mental equivalents is an activity you can schedule in for 30 minutes/day. It can also be done during your spare time while waiting or doing simple physical tasks.

Systematically draw into your brain mental equivalents just like you would the blueprints for a new home. Be sure to add feelings as well as specific preferences. As you go through life compare your mental equivalents to what you observe around you and improve these mental blueprints when you see a better idea.

Since “what you think about comes about” you will probably be surprised at what can magically happen when you start spending time building mental equivalents. You will find yourself automatically moving in the right direction and getting important insights and unexpected assistance. Some even find they have reached their goal without even realizing it.

Quotes top

  • The older I get the more wisdom I find in the ancient rule of taking first things first. A process which often reduces the most complex human problem to a manageable proportion. Dwight D. Eisenhower
  • Results are gained by exploiting opportunities, not by solving problems. Effective people … feed opportunities and starve problems. They think preventively. Peter Drucker
  • The key is not to prioritize what is on your schedule but to schedule your priorities. Stephen Covey
  • Do first things first and second things not at all. Peter Drucker
  • If in doubt, chuck it out.    I.e., Don’t get hung up on doubtfuls.  Move past them quickly.

One Thing At A Time – Focus top

focusing question | pomodoro | finish | meditation | quotes

Warren Buffett and Bill Gates both credit their unusual success to focus. It’s amazing what human beings can accomplish with deliberate focus and intelligent persistence.  Most people just drift without bothering to (1) stay aware of their environment and thoughtfully (2) determining what to focus on next … and then (3) sticking to it long enough to get results.

So, once you’ve determined what one activity to do “next” then schedule time blocks (during which you expend controllable time + attention) to move closer to your (uncontrollable) goal.

The Focusing Question top

To figure out The One Thing to focus on first ask yourself the following question:
– What’s the one thing I can do right now
– Which will make
– Everything else easier or unnecessary.

This will help you figure out the best one thing to do next which will lead to the one thing after that and so on to your ultimate Vision goal. This domino-like process of reaching big goals is sequential, and not simultaneous.

The Pomodoro Technique top

Distractions destroy depth. Set up an environment which minimizes distractions and start weaning your mind from dependence on distraction.

The Pomodoro time blocking technique,  very popular in time management circles, is one good way to help reduce the impact of interruptions on focus and flow. Here’s a web based timer to use for it.

Finish top

If you don’t finish the one thing you’re working on you usually won’t get any payoff. So, an important part of doing one thing at a time is finishing it.

Tips:
* Finishing: If nothing else summarize and document the details of what happened and what was accomplished.
* Finishing can also include deciding that the item started is not worth finishing. Be careful, though, since the payoff for work already done will not be received if you don’t finish it.
* Finish just the parts that are worth finishing. You don’t have to be obsessive about doing things just for the sake of doing them.
* CAGO: Clean As you GO. Finish cleaning up what you started. It’s easiest to do immediately after finishing a major task and prepares you to do the next one. It also saves you from getting swamped later in a growing mess.

Meditation top

Practicing meditation is a good way to improve the fundamentals of focusing. It can strengthen your skills of concentration, being here now and resisting distracting urges.

Productive meditation is an exercise which can be done when you are occupied physically but not mentally, for example when you are walking, showering or waiting. Focus your attention on a single well-defined professional problem. Then, as in mindfulness meditation, practice bringing your attention back to the problem at hand every time your mind wanders or stalls.

Quotes top

  • People think focus means saying “yes” to the thing you’ve got to focus on. But that’s not what it means at all. It means saying “no” to the hundred other good ideas that there are. Steve Jobs
  • If in doubt, chuck it out.   I.e., Don’t allow distractions.  Simply make a side note if you must.
  • Do one thing at a time. Start the day with a list of things you have to do, and do the most important things first. Even if you don’t get the list done, you’ve got the most important things done. Brian Tracy.
  • Prentice Mulford points out  that the way to rest the brain muscle is “by turning the whole force on something else for a time.”   l.3840  By training ourselves to “switch off our whole train of thought from one subject to another” l.3850 and do one act at a time we can learn how to relax and rule our minds.
  • Any Definite Chief Aim that is deliberately fixed in mind and held there, with the firm determination to realize it, finally saturates the entire subconscious mind until it automatically influences the physical action of the body toward the attainment of that purpose.  Napoleon Hill, p.155, Law of Success The 21st-Century Edition.

Positive Mental Attitude (PMA) top

Positive mental attitude (PMA) is the fuel which can keep the motivational fire behind your success burning. Always continue adding positive mental attitude to keep that fire growing. Here are some links to help PMA.

Note that PMA is a critical element even if you can’t see an immediate result. Never skip it!  You can do everything else perfectly but if a bad attitude is showing then bad luck will inhibit your progress. If other people are impressed with your attitude they will help you. So will your subconscious which will make you aware of opportunities you would have never seen.

Quotes top

  • Motivation is like a fire: unless you continue to add fuel, it will go out. And that fuel is PMA.
  •  You have everything to gain and nothing to lose by trying. Success is achieved and maintained by those who try and keep trying with PMA.

A Little More (or A Little Less) top

A little MORE, habitually repeated with moves in right directions, will make a giant difference in your life. Whenever a possible opportunity arises first say “a little more” then just do it. Strive to make a little more a foundational habit and the rewards will be more than you believed possible.

Repetition/quantity of effort in the right direction is far more important than the size of any single effort. This is even evident when taking a hike, i.e., many small steps will eventually get you to your destination when a few big jumps will only burn your out. The story of the tortoise and the hare contains a similar lesson. So does the saying “go the extra mile.”

One of the great things about the little more concept is that implementing it is so easy (usually quick simple easy & obvious) that you will actually do it now. You don’t even have to think about it much … just do a little more. Because it’s so easy the practice doing a little more will soon become a habit if you always respond to the slightest internal hint.

Another big benefit is that your unconscious self tends not to resist doing just a little more. You can slip in under that feeling of resistance that often pops up when faced with a massive task. It doesn’t take much of your limited will power to do just a little more.

I’ve also found that doing a little LESS of harmful activities is also very effective. Many I shouldn’t do something but my unconscious is motivating me in a negative direction (e.g., to eat a ton of ice cream). While I may not have enough will power to avoid something altogether doing a little less is not that challenging. Often, this leads to a progressive tendency to do less and less until the harmful activity can be eliminated with no big deal. Watching what is happening and noting the harm and the feelings involved tends to speed up this elimination process.

Similarly, when faced with the challenges of doing work tasks doing just a little more of the top priorities and a little less of the bottom feeders is helpful. Eventually some of the bottom distractions can even be completely eliminated if gradually starved.

Related Ideas: slight edge, baby steps, just do it, SEO simple easy obvious, adding to & cutting away small strokes from a clay sculpture, obvious Adams

Related Links top

Best Ideas from “The One Thing“

By

The One Thing
best thoughts from this best seller

The ONE Thing by Keller & Papasan is about prioritization and focus. Spreading yourself too thin is like chasing two rabbits at once … you won’t catch either one.

where start | focusing question | just do it | domino effect | link back | manage will power | links

The First Thing To Focus On top

  • How do you know what the first thing to focus on should be? p.21
  • In the beginning The One Thing is usually not apparent. p.24
  • Starting and continually thinking a certain way repeatedly over time, results in the creation of a habit, and the Focusing Question is the strongest habit you can have to achieve extraordinary results.
  • So, a good thing to focus on first is to “Make asking the Focusing Question a habit.” Start believing in it and ask it constantly every day. p.24

The Focusing Question top

The Focusing Question consists of three parts:

  1. What’s the one thing I can do (right now, today, this week)
  2. which will make
  3. everything else easier or unnecessary.
    I.e., what is the 1st domino after which the next domino will fall.

Start constantly applying the Focusing Question to key areas of your life, your ultimate Vision and to your next action step, i.e., “what’s next?”.

Just Do It, now top

Don’t be a perfectionist.  Don’t Wait … Just get started right here & now with whatever you have … Just Do It.

Don’t delay in hopes of a perfect plan. Over planning kills the magic and just doesn’t work.  Definitely prepare by planning, but expect unexpected changes and be ready to adapt.

General George Patton said “A good plan, violently executed now, is better than a perfect plan next week.”   The discipline of planning is indispensable but “no plan survives contact with the enemy.”  So, make good plans to prepare yourself (per the 7Ps) and to help clarify the priorities, assumptions, options and priorities. But, realize that plans will have to be changed since there is no way to perfectly forecast and control the future.

Headlight Analogy
This is a good analogy to help you avoid over planning.  At night headlights show only the next thing to be done.  When planning ahead in life the main two  things to consider are (1) am I headed in the right direction and (2) what’s next.   Keep aware of what road you are on, but don’t waste attention worrying about the twists and turns ahead which you really can’t see yet.   As Thomas Carlyle said “The main business is not to see what lies dimly at a distance but to do what lies clearly at hand.”

So get started now even though your plans are not perfect.  Focus on the next step right here & now … and as you get closer to the next twist & turn and the next goal they will get clearer.

The Domino Effect top

Study and learn which domino (i.e., action step) to start with and then line up the rest of the dominos in proper order. “This calls for prioritizing, finding that lead domino, and whacking away at it until it falls. This defines the process of extraordinary success: It is sequential, and not simultaneous.” p.3

Understanding this domino effect helps you decide the first thing to immediately and fully focus on (what’s next) … and then to move to the next step and the next … which eventually leads over time to the biggest most important thing (long term vision). p.3

Link Back top

What we accomplish presently defines what we will accomplish next. p.32  However, because of human nature the further away a potential reward is in the future the smaller the immediate motivation to achieve it.  Therefore, mentally link back to your ultimate vision to connect with its motivation.   I.e., mentally step back through the sequence from the one thing you are going to do next to the the ultimate vision goal and the motivation it will provide.

Another good idea is to write down goals.  Why? Because it works. Writing your goals down is an immediate step which will help you to get to where you want to go.

Manage Limited Will Power top

Here are some tips for managing our very limited will power:

  • Block out morning time: We have the most will power in the morning so schedule first things first, in the morning.
  • In practice, set aside 15 minutes to deal with regular morning activities, and then proceed to work on your One Thing.  Block in a minimum of 4 hours per day if you can.
  • To help motivate yourself keep a scoreboard that tracks your hours of deep work in a prominent place.  E.g., 2 hours blocked in every morning.
  • Recreate : Without recreation, which takes time, you will burn out and run out of will power and creativity. Schedule in plenty of time for recreation and taking care of your body. This is a top priority.
  • Good habits: A few right habits can free us from monitoring just about everything else.  The world champion swimmer Michael Phelps, for example, cultivated just one discipline — to swim every day for six hours.  So, identify a key point of discipline and develop a habit.
  • Distraction. During work hours earn to say no to everything not related to your One Thing. Distraction is the destroyer of deep work. Create environments that cut distraction during your key blocks of time to a minimum.

A Little More top

  • Expect a mess in your work life bucket: If you do the most important things in your business you can expect that there will be many less important things that are messy.
  • Balance your personal life bucket: Try to balance your personal activities such as exercise time and socializing.
  • “We will know our purpose when we ask the ‘Big Why.’ It’s why you are excited with your life.” Having a great Purpose is the single best route to perseverance and conviction. p.30
  • Purpose doesn’t have to be complicated. It’s the ONE thing you want your life to be about more than anything else. p.31

Related Links top

Happiness Is a Choice … Just Decide

By

Happiness Is A Choice
Just Decide To Be Happy!

Happiness starts inside your head, not somewhere outside you. You’ve got to decide to have a positive attitude no matter what is happening all around you. You’ve got to decide that today and every day is going to be a good day. Otherwise it probably won’t be.1

Why are humans so often unhappy? The simple explanation is that the brain evolved to give priority to survival rather than happiness; i.e., we are genetically tuned in to negatives which tends to make us unhappy.

However, the good news is that we have a choice to be happy. See below for what the experts have concluded.

Viktor Frankl    top

Viktor Frankl, famous holocaust survivor, neurologist, psychologist and author of Man’s Search for Meaning, says “Everything can be taken from a man but one thing: the last of the human freedoms – to choose one’s attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one’s own way.2  Choosing what you think about is the one thing you can truly control even when everything else goes to hell.

William James    top

William James, the Father of American psychology, concluded that ” happiness depends on a choice that we are able to make, regardless of our biological and social circumstances. ”

“While the contents of our consciousness are simply ‘there’ independently of our will, we have the freedom to select which bits of information to focus on, and which bits to reject. A person thus has the ability to direct the flow of the stream of consciousness. Those people who develop this ability are able to exercise more control over their minds, resulting in a deeper sense of empowerment.” 3

92 Year Old Man    top

Here’s what a legally blind old man of 92 said after his wife of 70 years passed away and he had to move into a nursing home.  “Happiness is something you decide on ahead of time. Whether I like my room or not doesn’t depend on how the furniture is arranged … it’s how I arrange my mind. I already decided to love it. It’s a decision I make every morning when I wake up. I have a choice; I can spend the day in bed recounting the difficulty I have with the parts of my body that no longer work, or get out of bed and be thankful for the ones that do.”4

End of Life Care Nurse    top

A nurse who spent years working with people on their deathbeds wrote in her book The Top Five Regrets Of Dying that one of the most common regrets was “I wish I had let myself be happier.” Many did not realize until the end that happiness is a choice.5

George Washington’s Wife    top

Martha Washington said “I am still determined to be cheerful and happy, in whatever situation I may be; for I have also learned from experience that the greater part of our happiness or misery depends upon our dispositions, and not upon our circumstances.”

References:    top

  1.  The Payoff Principle, location 1481
  2.  Man’s Search for Meaning by Viktor Frankl
  3.  William James History of Happiness
  4.  92 Yr Old Man Story
  5.  Top 5 Regrets of Dying

Links:    top

I Am My Own Best Friend & Best Coach

By

I Am My Own Best Friend,
Best Coach and Mentor

Friendship is a mutual thing.   To make a great friend you need to learn to be a great friend.   Once you and your mind have developed a true friendship then more friends will  attracted by those qualities built during the process.

Below are some characteristics of friends and ways to make friends with your own mind and with others.

know | like | respect | trust … enjoy | appreciate | encourage … loyalty | love | support … positive | controlled | giving … best thoughts | links

KNOW    top

It’s hard to be friends with someone you don’t know.  Get close to your mind so you can really get to know it.  A good  friend knows us better than we know ourselves and uses that knowledge to tactfully guide us.

Notes:
* Talk to your mind often and listen carefully to it as well.  How else will you get to know it.   One way this process can work is to talk to your mind (e.g., make comments, ask questions, mull a subject over, logically process, etc.) and tune into what pops out of it (e.g., thoughts, feelings, memories, calculations, answers and insights).  If you have a strong imagination, another approach Napoleon Hill recommends is the invisible counselor technique (see link 1 and link 2).
* To make more friends keep adding to your acquaintance list.  Increase the number of acquaintances you know and go the second mile to make friends with the best of them.  Make an effort or nothing will happen.
* Don’t be a stranger.  Make yourself accessible.  Join groups.  Talk to strangers and help them feel comfortable.   Purposefully spend more time with good people.
* Develop & share interests.   Sharing time and common interests together has always been one of the best ways to get to know acquaintances better.
* Go out of your way to be a good companion.  Think about the companions you like and model yourself after them.  Take every opportunity to be considerate and helpful, to be a good friend yourself.
* Remember names.  Remember and use names often to let people know that you think they are important.

Watch
Know thyself.  Keenly watch the thoughts and feelings playing out in your mind in order to become aware of the ways it is pulling & pushing you and where they will eventually lead.  Tactfully helping your mind become more aware of the “truth” is one of the best contributions you can give to your mind friend.

For example, when you suddenly notice a thought or feeling which doesn’t benefit you then tell your mind very sweetly not to think of it next time.   Keep gently repeating this suggestion until the mind eventually responds.  Gentle consistency is much more effective than harsh force and avoids harmful side effects.

Notes:
* Closely watch with interest.  No intense effort is required.  Insight & understanding are the natural results of watching your mind’s activities with interest.
* Be a great coach and watch your mind play the game of life. Be the positive, calm, patient, wise observer at the helm of the ship.
* Several times a day stop and step aside to get a quick outsider’s overview of what your mind is doing.   This outsider’s viewpoint is especially valuable to your mind.
* Be a detective.  Be curious.  Experiment, hypothesize, test,  watch keenly for subtle clues, patterns and details others miss.
* Particularly look for unconscious beliefs, habits and feelings.  These lurk below the conscious surface but you can still see traces of them.  So, tune in.  They are rich with opportunities for unexpected self improvement.
* The more keenly you watch the more you’ll start seeing the subtleties of how your mind works. This will make your watching even more fascinating and productive.
* Carefully watch what you say.  Once you become aware of what you are saying your verbal comments are something you can consciously control.
* Also watch your nonverbal communication.   According to the work of Dr. Albert Mehrabian  actual words are only 7% of what a listener perceives; the way words are delivered (tone, accents, body language, etc.) account for 38% and facial expressions account for 55%.
* Don’t get trapped into believing that your thoughts & feelings are “you” and thus can’t be changed.  A good way to objectify them is to name them and then study them like you would any other external object.
* Study your friends and heroes as well as yourself.  Make it a hobby.  What are their likes, strengths and habits?  How do  they differ from other people? What are their habitual reactions to various triggers?  Why are they your friends? Which of the friendship characteristics do they exemplify most? How can you use their best characteristics as a practical model?

LIKE    top

We like our friends and they like us the way we are.  Often this is the primary filtering criteria though it definitely should not be the only one.

Notes:
* Smile.   Smiling at other people is one of the easiest most effective ways to get them to like you.  Even dogs seem to know this … they smile by wagging their tails.
* Be a good companion, pleasant and easy to get along.  Make your friends feel liked and comfortable whenever you see an opportunity.

RESPECT    top

A good friend is respectful and worthy of respect, someone we admire from whom we can learn.

Notes:
* Make being polite and considerate a habit.  This is an easy way to show respect to others and to demonstrate your proper upbringing.
* Start by working on respecting yourself the way you already are.  Then start doing what it takes to be worthy of even more self respect.

TRUST    top

A feeling of safety is fundamental to good friendships.   A true friend is trustworthy and wants the best for us.  Start by consistently being a person of your word so that your own mind will start trusting you.

A true friend is always there for us when needed, through thick and thin.  Feeling safe and loved frees up the emotional resources necessary to really flourish.  On the other hand, someone who hurts us is no friend at all but rather someone to be avoided.

ENJOY    top

Have fun.  Practice enjoying being with your mind and thinking about things together.  Notice how being with good friends magically helps to create special moments in your life.

Your mind can be a friend with whom you can savor the goodness of life.  Whenever you are alone, don’t think yourself as alone.  Instead remember that your mind is always with you and talk to your mind about whatever you are feeling that moment.  Discuss what you like and want out of life and how to get more of it.  Your mind friend will then start coming up with good ideas to help you make life better.

APPRECIATE    top

We all want to be important, needed and appreciated.   We desperately want others to recognize that we exist.

Practice making your appreciation verbal and  explicit.  Appreciate out loud when your mind does something you like.  Your mind also needs to hear, as often as possible, how much you appreciate it.

Learning to explicitly appreciate the good in our lives can lift up our entire attitude over time.  Here are a few practical exercises  to help make this happen:

* What Went Well lists:  These are running lists of what went well during your day.  At the least make strong, clear mental notes to yourself.  Making a point of each item is very important so that they actually make a memorable impression on your mind.
* Smile to yourself:  Quickly smile every time you run across something you like or feel grateful about even if it is very small.  E.g., smile when your mind does something well, smile when you see a nice view, etc.   Do this dozens of times a day.
* Appreciate the half full portion of your “glass.”  Make a big deal of the good portions of life and minimize the often inconsequential bad portions.  A related idea is to realize that the time available for the positive people in your life is limited so don’t waste time on negative people; certainly don’t worry about them if they don’t appreciate you.
* Three Gratitudes exercise:  A classic exercise is to list three things you are grateful for at the end of each day.  A variation is to list the three things that most uplifted you.  What these exercises do is to tune you in to more of the good things in life which you would otherwise not really notice.

ENCOURAGE    top

We could all use an enthusiastic, loyal cheerleader who wants us to do well, cheers our best efforts and  accepts  us the way we are.  What we don’t need is nitpicking and fault finding; these bad habits only discourage your mind and stunt its development.

Compliment your mind friend and mean it.  Keep looking for positives that deserve a compliment and explicitly verbalize them;  a true compliment has big impact!   If in doubt always lean positive and make the compliment anyway.

Encourage positives and good possibilities whenever you see even the slightest sign of them.   Encouraging positives makes them more obvious to your mind which will increase its confidence and self esteem.

Attention is fundamental to human survival and anything we do, verbal or nonverbal, acknowledging the existence of another is called a “stroke“ in transactional analysis. It turns out that the ratio of positive strokes to negative strokes received is critical to friendships.  Research suggests that once positive strokes consistently exceed negative strokes (by a ratio of 3:1 or 6:1 in other studies) then there is a breakthrough effect and the relationship will take off in a positive direction.  So, generously give positive unconditional strokes, like a quick smile, to your own mind.  Also, when you notice yourself giving your mind negative strokes immediately swamp them out with several positive strokes.

LOYALTY    top

Even in the Mafia loyalty is a top requirement.  Personal safety is critical in a friendship too.  Also see trust.

LOVE    top

Knowing that someone really cares is important.    Being kind, loving and caring is emotional support at its finest.

SUPPORT    top

Helpful
Make a habit of looking for little ways to uplift others.  Using your strengths to be truly helpful is one of the best ways to make friends. Someone we can trust to provide us support even in a crisis is rare and worthy of much consideration.   Talk is cheap so when you are having problems is a good time to learn who your true friends are.

Compassionate
Emotional support is as important as physical support.  We need friends who empathize with us and are ready, willing and able to emotionally support us when needed.  Be kind, patient, understanding, compassionate to your mind friend.

The less judgmental you are the better your mind will perform, the more cooperative and harmonious it will be.  Don’t expect yourself or others to be perfect.  You and every other human being has limitations and problems, visible and invisible, big and small.  Petty judging of such limitations stings emotionally and can cause large negative side effects over time.  It certainly doesn’t make the situation better.

Be aware that you are separate from the thoughts and physical sensations that pop up from your unconscious mind.  If you witness them without judgment and avoid feeding negative thoughts undue attention then most will dissolve on their own.

Don’t compare, don’t disparage, don’t make excuses.  When you or your mind make a mistake be kind. The goal is continuous improvement, not perfection.

POSITIVE    top

Watch for how your mind plays around with various thoughts and feelings and never allow your mind to droop.  Drooping is natural since our feelings naturally go up and down over time.  So, quickly catch those inevitable droops early on to keep them from running amok. This article contains several suggestions for what to do when you see a droop coming.

Some suggestions:
* Being positive is a choice especially during the inevitable downs in life.  No situation can make you unhappy unless you agree to become unhappy.
* just SMILE every chance you get.   How’s that for a simple start at being positive.   It’s practical and works.
* Act As If.  Feelings definitely follow actions.  Take advantage of this scientific fact by acting positive and self confident even if you don’t initially feel like it.
* Start carefully watching your self talk.  Start noticing what pops out from your subconscious.  Replace and swamp out the unconscious negative self talk most of us naturally over emphasize.  If a positive self talk pops up then smile and make a mental note of it; this is a good sign that your subconscious is working to help you out.
* Feed your mind purposeful positive self talk in large, conscious, consistent doses.
* Spend 10 minutes in the evening thinking about what uplifted your life and spirit that day. By studying the way your mind works you can actually learn to use your mind to lift your mind.

CONTROLLED    top

Take the helm of your own life.  Don’t just drift, one of the deadliest of sins.  Beware of indifference which stops your progress in life by paralyzing your willpower.  If you don’t know where you are going then you’ll eventually end up in a bad place.  If you don’t know what you want then others will use you to get what they want.

For example, if you have bad habit then whenever you see it getting started tell your mind very sweetly not to continue.  Clarify to your mind the negative costs of the habit.  Even so you will likely be tempted to do it again.  When that happens keep persistently telling your mind until it eventually listens, if not this time then the next.

By consciously working to control your thoughts, behaviors, and emotions you can actually change your physical brain and its default mode of operation.  This makes the time and effort really worth while.

Notes:
* Affirmation: positive open alert ready and in control (POARC).  This affirmation reminds you of the attitude you need to maintain to help you increasingly control your mind and to see opportunities.
*  Focus 100% of your effort on controlling the controllables.  For example, don’t throw away energy by worrying about things you can’t control … or the past or future.  What some sport coaches suggest to players is that after making a mistake they should say “next play” and shift their complete focus to it.

PROGRESS    top

Progress is one of the fundamental needs for human happiness.  We are built to learn and grow and to always want more!  Your mind is “someone” who understands and wisely guides you.  It can become a worthy companion who will work together with you to progress towards the life you really desire.

Even when you “fail” you can make progress by learning something from the experience.  In fact how to learn from failure and how to overcome resistance are necessary skills you must learn if you want to make serious progress in life.

Here is a good habit that will sharpen your mind and increase progress every day:  Make mental notes of the most important 1-3 things you learned each time you read or do something.   Repeat the points immediately afterward you finish and a couple of minutes later to make them stick.

GIVING    top

One thing I’ve noticed when interviewing prospective employees is that it is usually easy to tell if a person is a natural giver or a natural taker.  You can sometimes tell if they are naturally positive as well.  Good friends are natural givers and are naturally positive with each other.

While what you receive from a friendship is not the key criteria you still need to be aware that some people will try to take unfair advantage of you.  So, use common sense when dealing with natural takers.  In a good friendship both participants should be consistently giving and taking, as appropriate, to their mutual benefit.  By the way, one of the benefits of a friendship is the good feeling experienced when you make an important contribution to your friend.

 

Note that the suggestions above work well for making friends with others and for making best friends with your own mind. Try the ones you like the most.  Here are our current favorites:  watching, positive strokes, smiling to self and the what went well exercise.

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Best Thoughts From: Your Mind Your Best Friend

By

Best Thoughts from
Your Mind, Your Best Friend
by Shuddhaaandaa Brahmachari

Developing a true friendship with your mind is the best way to move closer to the divine potential within. Treat your mind as you would your very best friend. Nurture your mind, coach it, take care of it and your mind will do the same for you.

mind | friend | watch | positive | control | compassion | acceptance | attachment | god

Watch your thoughts closely. Start observing & analyzing where they may lead so that you can compassionately guide your mind to higher more positive ground. Take control of the helm of your mind and do not allow it to droop into depression. A positive mind will help you uplift yourself.

Be compassionate with your friend rather than fault finding. It grows with your nurturing attention. Thoughts witnessed without judgment naturally dissolve as you become more conscious and understanding.

Accept , without judgment, all that life brings you as a gift of God. Learn to let go of worldly (impermanent, unimportant, self oriented) attachment and expectations. They naturally lead to unhealthy swings between extreme highs and lows. Instead, release all outcomes to God and just begin. Observe how you receive the guidance and inspiration you need to respond to each moment as it unfolds.

A MIND    top

After all, a friend is nothing but a mind. Who are we going to trust if we cannot trust our own mind? loc.136

Your mind is the thing with which you are working either to lower yourself or to uplift yourself. loc.217.

The most sublime gifts (of God) are your body and your mind. loc.870

What a great gift it is to have a human mind … which can commune with Nature in totality, provided we keep the instrument properly tuned. loc.972

The self you think yourself to be is limited …that is governed by the past. It is the ego. You are a prisoner of the past and the destiny that proceeds from it. loc.942

The only way to transcend the ego is to become conscious, to continually surrender your limited awareness into an ever expanding awareness of the Universal Oneness, to rely ever more deeply on Divine grace. loc.950

A FRIEND    top

The more committed you are to the one true friend of your befriending mind, the more your mind becomes brilliant. loc.128

The only real solution is to befriend yourself. Make friendship with yourself first. loc.144. Then seek friends outside. When you find your mind has become your true friend , you will be surrounded with friends. loc.145

So the most important task in life, the greatest achievement, is to seek the true friend. Our best friend is our positive mind. loc.550

WATCH    top

We are keen to know what our mind is saying, where it is leading us. Then, we do not allow our mind to become depressed, to get mired in untruth and spin out of control. … Whenever you notice yourself falling into self criticism, catch yourself. Befriend yourself. loc.255

I may not know what is in the mind of God, but I can become conscious and aware of what is in my mind. I can watch my own mind, rather than letting it play itself out unconsciously. loc.276

The lamp is the flame of our aspiration. It is our yearning, our love for truth, our love for all that is good and beautiful, our love for God, … That is the light of awareness that we need to keep aflame in our hearts. loc.284

Then spend 10 minutes in the evening writing about what uplifted your life and spirit throughout the day. Make it a practice to gather the gifts of the day … to thank God for them each night before going to bed. loc.293

We begin by keenly watching our mind. … We become alert to the ways and directions in which the mind pulls us. We intervene. We adjust. We compassionately guide the course of the mind to higher ground whenever it begins to slip toward negativity. Take a few moments several times each day to keenly observe your thoughts. loc.355

Practice becoming watchful and alert so you can come to understand when your mind is going in the wrong direction. At that point, catch yourself. You can say, “No, my child, this is not the right way. You are my best friend. How could you talk like this?” loc.632

Negative mechanism and habits of mind will no longer be able to grip you. They will not be able to steer you off course because you have taken the helm of your own mind. loc.641 end of day 14

Cultivate greater awareness of how you use language. What does it reveal about who you are being in this moment? What does it contribute to others? loc.675

Practice responding to the faintest stirrings of your own heart. Practice noticing them. loc.919

Practice being more aware. Practice being more accepting. Practice becoming more conscious. loc.981

Thus, constant self-analysis … about where your ego is dominating, where you are drawn to impermanence, where you seek happiness outside of your own being, where you are drawn unconsciously – is invaluable. loc. 1082

At night let go of the mind. Allow it to float in a way that you observe it, without judgment, to see where it is ultimately going. You can discover what types of thoughts, what kinds of preoccupations, your mind is gravitating toward. That is the pull of your nature. loc.1107

If we keep watching our mind, we eventually become mindful that it is the mind observing the mind, without any judgment. After you gain some skill in this, gradually, begin to follow your thoughts. loc.1154

The consciousness of our thoughts gradually brings to us a calmer mind. Anything you observe keenly calms down. After you observe for some time, it becomes quiet. Anything you do unconsciously persists as long as you are unconscious. The moment you observe it and become conscious about it, it stops. Try this … without judging. loc.1162

POSITIVE    top

A truly spiritual mind is always positive. A truly spiritual mind is a controlled mind. One of the ways by which you can control your mind is to lift your mind with your own mind. loc.217

Gradually, we learn: never, ever allow the mind to droop. We need always to be awake. … observing how the mind plays. loc.247

If you leave your mind to its own upward and downward cycles, however, the downward cycles gradually dominate. Gravity overtakes you. loc.692

You are on a journey home to your true Self, to who you are in God. The vehicle of your mind naturally veers off course from time to time. loc.255

No situation can make you unhappy unless you agree to become unhappy, unless you sign the contract to be unhappy. loc.354

Positive thoughts, courage and confidence, and continuous affirmations that make your path to God and God-Realization easier, are your best friends. You need to keep company with them always. loc.616

CONTROL    top

Your only enemy resides in you … That enemy is your uncontrolled state of mind. loc.318

As you recognize a mistake, decide to change, and open your heart to God’s grace. Things begin changing naturally. They happen subtly. There is no need to force yourself if change is not immediately apparent. loc.343

Notice what you say to yourself inwardly about such things. Counter every false statement with a true one. loc.472

Brush away the negative emotions, the negative patterns and rut. Imagine them as trivial, small insects crawling on your shoulder. That is what they are. loc.1190

God asks only two things from us: trust and patience & perseverance. loc.1209

COMPASSION    top

The less judgmental you are to your mind, … the better your mind will perform, the more cooperative and harmonious it will be. loc.1112

Confronting your own limitations with compassion, you become more appreciative of the problems and weaknesses of others. loc.716

Watch your thoughts in a very compassionate meditation. You are separate from the thoughts. … If you witness without judgment the thought comes and it dissolves. loc.1145

Be more loving of yourself rather than condemning and finding fault. The moment you begin to glimpse the positive within you, it grows. It grows with your nurturing attention. loc.1182

Compassionately and relentlessly recognize the areas of darkness in your life. They are leading you to some awakening. They are invaluable teachers which enlarge your compassion and understanding. loc.1227

Find a new way to contribute to another human being each day, to practice generosity of mind and heart. loc.1260

ACCEPTANCE    top

“What deeper good might God be working toward here? How can I open my mind and heart and spirit to give consent to the Divine’s purposes, however hidden … There is no need to come up with “answers” per se. Rather, hold the questions prayerfully in your heart, resolving to remain open and accepting …” loc.241

Witness the inevitabilities of life as they come and go. Don’t grumble over them. You allow your Divine potential to take care of you. Thus you have your best friend along with you everywhere you go in the world. loc.391

This problem is not my enemy. It is an occasion for grace, a friend of my soul that offers me the chance to draw closer than ever to God. loc.480

The three As of your spiritual practice: Arise into your spiritual inheritance, awake to your own mind and lift it into the light of higher truth, accept all that life brings you as the gift of God. loc.692

As your spirit grows in understanding, you no longer fight against what comes to you. You learn to trust, to accept where life is leading you. loc.716

Appreciate and bless every aspect of your life, even the “negatives” of the past, as stepping stones toward befriending your own mind. loc.1285

ATTACHMENT    top

If you are attached to something, you are inevitably going to receive a blow in relation to it. Attraction and repulsion … continuously pull us back and forth. We all swing between the two extremes. loc.504 When the mind is allowed to play of its own accord between these fields, we are not really conscious. Without proper training to control the mind, anything that happens can rob the mind of its higher properties, the stable state of equanimity. If we allow the intensifying energies of the mind in attachment and the lower, debasing energies of the mind to play freely, havoc rules. loc.512

We begin to practice letting go. The instant we realize we are in attachment to a certain outcome, we let go of our demand that life fit our limited expectations. We let go of our demand for a certain outcome. loc.571

Release all outcomes to God and begin. Observe how you receive the guidance and inspiration you need to respond to each moment as it unfolds. loc.612

GOD    top

God is here and now … nowhere else. loc.183 You and reality are One. You are indivisible from all that is. loc.200 We are blessed by each instant, by each experience of our lives … loc.200

The ultimate state of human mind occurs when the mind becomes single-pointed and flows uninterruptedly toward its own origin in spirit, toward its intrinsic Divine potential. loc.225

A true seeker’s mind is dwelling on the plane of that positive, one-pointed thought of the Divine potential that is within, .. Then continuously, acceptance happens. It happens spontaneously. loc. 391
That is what we all are seeking in life. It is the one thing we need to achieve. It is important that we always return to a positive frame of mind. loc. 400

The Divine is within. It is forever singing through the world around us. Our task is to awaken to it until we see it everywhere, until we hear and feel it in every moment. loc.624

We are born to awaken from the slumber of our unconsciousness … which is the root cause of all unhappiness. Grace is eternally available to all of us. No small effort toward awakening goes in vain. loc.1014

The Divine is ultimately the source of all thoughts, the source of all actions, the source of all energies, the source of consciousness. loc.1060

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